Questions for the universe

• Why does the baby only feel better after barfing all over me?

• How do one hundred pounds of children translate into two tons of laundry?

• Can I pass off the dog-snot smear on the windows as a new "frosted" look, or will I have to clean it today?

• Why is mac and cheese with hot dogs hot stuff, when mac and cheese with ham is kid cuisine suicide?

• How is it that after five sweepings I STILL have dust bunnies playing tag on the family room floor?

• Where does my patience go when I lose it completely? And why doesn't my weight accompany it?