I've been away from the computer for a while--mostly trying to get my act together, because, really, the tap dancing/juggling bit wasn't meshing (too much shuffle ball-change, too few flaming chainsaws)--but, fear not!, my keen powers of observation were still tuned in to the little quirks that make life interesting to at least five of you out there.

So, without further ado:

Thing I should have realized before I reached the age of 37, but didn't because either they just never came up before then or I was oblivious at the time

(it'a working title)

• Any day that begins with the baby creating a syrup trail throughout the house is almost certainly destined to end in a carb-induced coma.
• You can lead an eight-year-old to the piano, open the book for him, place his hands on the keys and wait expectantly, but you can't stop him from asking, "So what do you want me to do?"
• Nor can you stop the resulting maternal scream from exiting at least two cranially-located orifices.
• You can't reason with a four-year-old, but you CAN sentence her to an extra-long nap, as long as you have earplugs and a strong bungee cord.
• Eventually, and with a little divine intervention, obstinate four-year-olds become six-year-olds. You CAN reason with a six-year-old, but he's just going to do what he wants after the discussion.
• Grocery shopping DOES count as "getting out of the house for some alone time" but only if you're really desparate.
• And eventually you'll have to get back into the car and go home. The bakery ladies look sympathetic, but they're not willing to adopt you.
• No matter how much you beg.
• Regardless, never pass up a chocolate chip cookie.
• There will be days when the dog will track mud over the newly-mopped floor. Accept it and go on. But if it happens three times in the same day, you'll also have to accept the fact that something is not right in your housework/dog equation.
• Gardening in the Desert Southwest is fabulous in October, exhilarating in February, but lethal in July.
• Which is just when every magazine is touting the benefits of the family garden. Ignore them--and enjoy the fact that you can have fresh tomatoes in March.
• As long as you remember to water the darn plants.
• Because while all weeds are desert-adapted, tomatoes are horticultural whiners. And no amount of tough love will ever change that.
• There is no Anasazi Program for garden vegetables. Get over it.